So it’s been awhile since I’ve posted. But here’s what I’ve been up to the past eight months or so:
I was diagnosed with a mental illness I have been struggling with since I was 13-14 years old. I just got a script today, so I can start mood regulation medication and be able to complete my last year at uni.
My girlfriend of nearly two years and I went our separate ways. I’m happy to be focusing on myself and my own growth these past few months. It was needed and it wasn’t a bad breakup; perhaps we can be friends eventually.
Also, I came out as a man. My ex was very supportive and helpful with the coming out process and even helping me realize it myself. She helped me find resources for education and I started binding and even came out at work. Everyone was so welcoming and supportive and helped me feel so comfortable in my own skin. I began seeing a gender therapist in February and then proceeded to come out to my family. They were shocked, of course, but have come around to accept me and have been slipping less and less with my name and pronouns.
I started testosterone as hormone replacement therapy on May 5th, 2016. The journey has been crazy busy and a rollercoaster in all ways. Today I reached my fifth calendar month (20 weeks) on T and I’ve been passing about 85-90% of the time. Last month I went to my hearing for my legal name change and today, I brought that paperwork to the DMV (last week was the SSA) and got my new license. Every government agency has been so quick and understanding with me and it’s been the best experience I’ve had with the US government in my entire life. (Note to anyone looking for a good time to go to these agencies, try Thursdays! I was in and out in less than a half hour at each of them.)
I have also recently came out with my desire to have FTM top surgery to further align myself with my idea of who I am.
This realization did not come easily. I was not dysphoric in the slightest about my breasts and actually was quite content with keeping them intact. Part of the nonbinary part of my identity is identifying socially as male, while in bed I prefer being touched and stimulated similar to a biological female. Only after a few months of HRT did my comfort level with my body start to change. Part of it is also that the binding started to look bulky in my mind (though I’m reassured by everyone that the way I see it is not how others see it). Part of it was being seen more as male. Part of it was people I care about saying things about me being seen as a man in the entirely wrong way for trans etiquette. Part of it I probably will never know. But in any case, I came to realize that this is what I want.
My plan is to have a consult for keyhole or peri-areolar surgery. Minimal scarring is involved and they are techniques made for smaller chested men like myself. However, I cannot afford this by myself. I’m consulting my insurance company for coverage, but I’m not optimistic. So I started a GoFundMe.
I know these things are popularity contests a lot of the times, but I’m hoping to spread the word and hopefully send some education with my cause along the way.
If anyone is interested in helping support my campaign to get top surgery, here’s what you can do:
-SHARE THIS POST, LINK, AND MY STORY ON ALL MEDIA PLATFORMS <3
If anyone is curious to know more, please don’t hesitate to message me. Thank you all in advance for your support. I owe the success I’ve had so far to each and every person who’s supported me in every step of my journey. Thank you and I love you all.
That moment when you’re up to study, masturbate to rid yourself of a migraine, and then end up wondering what it would be like having a future with a girl you really care about already and imagine life fast-forwarded years into a relationship that doesn’t exist in that way and you know you’re going to have to hold back this flood of thoughts and emotions whenever you see this girl but you do because it’s what’s best for her at this point in time and all you want to do is see her happy because you’re the guy that gives up his own happiness for the sake of another human being being happy and not putting yourself out there as a choice because you don’t want her to have to choose happiness and resent having to make that choice so you stand by and watch and stay friends with this girl and let your mind wander where it may, knowing you may never get any deeper than this moment and that’s okay because just having her in your life is worth something to you.
